The main habit in hectic times to finally stay grounded

Why you have to live your life in the light of relationships

Photo by Stella de Smit on Unsplash

It’s easier said than done. Staying grounded in hectic times was something I had to learn. Especially because my head was all over the place and too much pre-programmed after years of hard work. 200 days per year from home and living two lives concurrently. When my extensive social environment changed overnight into an environment of loneliness, I became vulnerable and was not able to find my factory reset button for quite a while.

After my big personal crash, I had my specific style of overcoming this daily. Basically to keep building routines that gave me positive affirmations.

Even when it was as simple as ironing a shirt, cleaning the house, walking the dogs or working in the garden. In the beginning, my rigorously changed life reminded me of walking through the gates of the military base in Rotterdam in 1998 when I started my practical officers’ training course. Learning step by step to become a military officer by building rigid routines with magnificent teamwork.

Believe me, no management school can beat the impact this intensive training course has on your life. Not just professionally.

Routines give your mind focus and direction. However, for me, these routines did not force any breakthrough in the long term. It was just a bandage because my system was still trying to continue my previous fast-paced life. And I tried to maintain that by extensive partying and suppress my emotions with using drugs regularly and extensive alcohol abuse.

My dad felt that it went south with me and our relationship started to get more meaning gradually. In the years before, our contact was just limited to celebrate birthdays and occasional visits with my kids.

Every Friday he came along to my house and brought me a crate of Heineken. He said to me: “It’s better to consume the whole crate in one go at home than to go out and lose yourself”.

There were times that I neglected his advice. He used to shake his head in a typical way without pointing his finger. But he kept believing in me and having my back, no matter what.

On one October night, I did not follow his advice and went alone to a Halloween party in a club close by. I decided to party full throttle. It was an epic party and drank like a fish. The tequila shots and Jaeger bombs floated freely.  

Later that morning, I suddenly woke up at a bench at a bus station. It was already the time of service and it was around 6.30 am. I had a Halloween mask in my hand and was intoxicated big time. 

I can still see that the passers-by were looking at me like a tramp, neglecting me whilst stepping on the bus.

I can’t blame them. I smelled like shit with vomit on my chin. My head was spinning and two hamsters were playing the drum in my head.

I bought a bottle of water at the station and walked for three hours back home. Sometimes speed marching when I started to feel a bit better.

There was this song from Avicii that I played upon my return to my house: Dear boy. Listening to this track made me instantly think of my dad holding a mirror in front of me and shaking his head. I realised that I did not belong there, sleeping at the bus station. It was the first time that I felt I had to listen and rely on the help of my dad. And to include him in my recovery squad.  

A serious problem that many young people and entrepreneurs are facing, is when life takes an unexpected turn. At that specific moment, you are struggling to find the authentic you and vulnerable to any addiction there is just to fake your happiness or to suppress your emotions. When it feels like you have nothing to live for, look to your family and your past when you were in control. Like I did look back at my military training.

Family has the magic to allow you to build healthy routines that allow you stay on track. Even if it is a long road of recovery. Even if it is something as simple as effective as a crate of beer on a Friday night.

Get rid of the people who hurt you and negatively foster your behaviour. They don’t know the real you. Your family does.

👉 This post is written exclusively to thank my biggest hero, my dad, the legend who always has my back and beyond.